Job Opening at Sprint!

Dear Job-Seeking Friends and Family,

If you need a job, it appears that Sprint (the cell phone company) has a few openings for qualified individuals in possession of a specific skill set.  Ideal candidates would have experience writing code for scheduling software (like the sort that dental receptionists use) or for pocket calculators (with or without order of operations).

If you know how to write code for every single one of this calculator's functions, then you are exactly the sort of employee that Sprint needs!

Your duties will include figuring out a way for Sprint to schedule a "stop-service" or a "start-service," even if the date requested is outside of the current billing cycle.  If you have written code for a dental office, chiropractor's office, or even a hair salon, you definitely have what it takes.  Unfortunately, none of Sprint's current computer programmers do.

This is a computer programmer for Sprint.  He's trying to write code, but it's hard for him.

You also must be able to calculate a customer's pro-rated final billing statement.  For instance, if a customer is stopping their cell phone service on the eighth day of their billing cycle, you would need to be able to multiply their usual monthly bill by a fraction (in this case, eight thirtieths).  I know that this is not an ability that every job-seeking individual possesses.  Please only apply for this position if you have a fifth-grader's grasp of fractions!

If this chart confuses you, then unfortunately you do not possess the specific skill set needed to work for Sprint.

Best of luck in your job search!

Sincerely yours,

A customer who was not allowed to wait until Monday to shut off her phone service because her billing cycle ends tomorrow, and the computer just won't allow customer service representatives to do anything outside of the current billing cycle.

P.S.  To be fair, Sprint is not the only cell phone provider that needs computer programmers with common sense; the customer service representative to whom I spoke explained to me that this is truly an industry-wide problem.

Things I Have To Do Before I Leave

There are some of you out there who may think that once a sister submits her papers to the missionary department, her work is done.  Once she gets her call, she'll just have to go shopping with her mom for her new missionary wardrobe, bid adieu to her heartbroken suitors, and prepare a farewell talk for her soon-to-be-bereft ward or branch.

Well, if that's what you think, you're wrong.  Or at least, partially wrong.  Turns out, leaving your hometown for eighteen months as a personal representative of Jesus Christ requires a lot of work and preparation.  Here are some of the things that I still need to do before I leave:

• Print out four-generation pedigree chart from Family Search, which is a FREE website that helps you prepare your own genealogy records, whether you're Mormon or not.

1. Make sure you have all of the details (i.e. birth dates and locations) that you could possibly have.
2. Call up grandparents and talk to them about their lives and their parents' lives.  Realize that they have a finite number of days left on this earth and that you will miss them so much when they pass on to the next life.

My paternal grandmother has all kinds of crazy stories!  From mobsters making moonshine during Prohibition in Endicott, New York, to tear stains on the violin that I played for  seven years...

• Mail President Wall the bonus photographs.  Yes, he really did request them.  My cousin-in-law Megan took the following photograph for me last week: 

1. Call Uncle Beezer and ask him to email me the photographs that he took on his camera.
2. Call up local drug store and ask them how I can print pictures at their location.  Can I email them to someone?  Do I need to save them on a cd or a memory stick?
3. Print pictures.
4. Mail printed photographs to President Wall.

• Move out of apartment.

1. Find someone, or multiple someones, in the Albuquerque area who can let me use their pickup truck on Saturday around 2 PM.  
2. Move big and heavy items (futon, box spring, mattress, five-shelf bookcase) out of apartment.
3. Clear space for these and other items in the bedroom that you are using ("your" bedroom) at your parents' house.
4. Move the rest of the items into "your" bedroom.
5. Clean apartment.
6. Turn in keys to landlady and post office.

• Figure out bicycle situation.

Do they really want me to ship a bike to the mission office, which means I'll have to put a dissembled bicycle back together?  Do they expect me to know how to do that?

1. Call mission office to see if they really want me to ship a bicycle to the mission office, in lieu of waiting until I am in the field (and then buying a bike locally, or finding out that I don't need one at all).
2. If they really do want me to ship a bicycle to the mission office, see how much that would cost.
3. If it seems to be cost-effective to ship your old college bike to Baton Rouge, then take bike assembly  lessons from your dad.  This can be a great way to bond, assuming that you don't get frustrated with him like you did when you were eight and he was trying to explain long division.  "But why am I dividing in the first step, multiplying in the second, subtracting in the third, and bringing down...?  Bringing down isn't even a mathematical operation!  This doesn't make sense!"

• Get driving record from DMV.

• Transfer car insurance to parents.

• Discontinue NM Gas Company.

• Discontinue PNM.

• Discontinue Sprint.

• Continue to study the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon.  I'm really becoming nervous about my ability to know God's Word well enough to teach people exactly what they need to hear and to answer all of the questions that they really need to be answered.

• Meet with the Stake High Council.  Figure out what one does when one meets with the stake high council.  

• Get temple dress hemmed.  

Going to the temple is very special for us as human beings and members of Jesus Christ's church.  

Going to the temple reminds us of why we are here on this earth and of how much our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be as happy as He is.  Going to the temple refreshes me and makes me feel more like myself, kind of the way that taking a shower wakes me up from my daily life and makes me feel more alive.  There is a temple in Baton Rouge, and I have been asked to bring a temple dress with me to the mission.  Temple dresses in and of themselves are not anything special - they're just white dresses with long sleeves that cover you modestly.  But we wear them inside the temple because they symbolize purity.  God, as most of us recognize, is 100 percent pure.  There is nothing dirty about him.  Jesus Christ was chosen as our Savior because He alone was  without blemish.  If He had not lived a sinless and pure life, He could not have performed an infinite atonement for all of our sins, weaknesses, and afflictions.  

I am so excited to know that I will get to go to the temple to refresh my spiritual self while serving as a missionary!

• Write down addresses of family and friends with whom you want to correspond.

• Prepare farewell talk on grace, or enabling power.  Make sure it's awesome, honest, and reverent.  Make sure you let the Holy Spirit do the talking.